Mu spämmikausta sisu on juba pikemat aega üsna igav. Suur osa teemadest on seotud droonide ja konditsioneeridega, Andrea, kes järjekindlalt iga 7 päeva tagant saatis kirju teemareaga "Past due invoice reminder: #123", hoolikalt iga kirjaga järjekorranumbrit suurendades, läks ühel hetkel rikki ja jäi kinni #763 juurde.
Üsna igav, spämmiks märgitud kirjade arvu suurenemisel sinna kausta kiikamine meelitab maksimaalselt välja ükskõikse heh-i.
Aga siis ma pühendasin tavaliselt veidi rohkem tähelepanu ühe hispaaniakeelse kirja teemareale ja sellest kasvas välja sõnumivahetus täis absurdi ja segaduses ekraani jõllitamist.
Kiri algas " Tenemos una oferta que dibujará una sonrisa en tu rostro. Ahora mismo puedes obtener 3 meses completos de Premium..." ja oli täis linke, mis lähemal uurimisel viitasid täiesti ausalt Spotifyle. Mis ilmselt on Hispaania ettevõte, kuigi kirja jaluses on "Spotify AB, Regeringsgatan 19, 111 53, Stockholm, Sweden"
Ja see ei ole mitte esimene selline kiri. Kõik Spotifylt tulnud kirjad on spämmis ja hispaaniakeelsed.
Gmail kuvab "Why is this message in spam? It's written in a different language than your messages typically use." ja pakub võimalust klikkida "Report not spam", aga muidugi ei kavatse ma seda teha, sest "Escucha música sin conexión." on mu silmis sama hea kui "Go from “limp noodle” to “man of steel” in less than 2 days."
Loogiline oleks Spotify veebilehel oma konto seadetes määrata, et "no mas correos en español, bonito por favor", aga sellist võimalust ei paista.
Google, avita!
Google avitab ja ütleb, et sarnase probleemiga on inimesed hädas olnud juba aastast 2015, võib-olla varemgi. Ainukeseks lahenduseks oleks ära muuta oma asukohariik, mis Premium konto puhul käib nii ja ainult nii https://support.spotify.com/ee/article/How-can-I-change-my-country-setting/ järgi nii:
1. Cancel your subscription.
2. Wait until your account reverts back to the free, ad-supported service at the end of your current billing cycle.
3. Log in to your account page.
4. Click EDIT PROFILE.
5. Scroll down to Country and select your new country from the dropdown list.
Note: Your new country only shows when you’re actually there.
6. Click SAVE PROFILE.
7. Resubscribe to Premium using a payment method issued in your new country.
Pardon my spanish, but what the actual fuck.
OK, teiseks lahenduseks oleks võtta ühendust https://support.spotify.com/contact-spotify-support/
kaudu, nemad kindlasti lahendavad mu mure.
"Oi, tere Spotify abiliin, ma saan juba pikemat aega kirju, mis tunduvad olevat päriselt teie saadetud, aga on... (trummipõrin)... hispaania keeles. Välja pakutud lahendus on muuta oma asukohariiki, aga kui mu praegune riik Eesti annab tulemuseks hispaania keele, kuhu ma siis kolima peaks, et inglise keelt saada? Mongooliasse?"
"Yes, that's correct. Spanish is the only language available in your country. This is the reason why you've been receiving notifications in Spanish."
Ee... Äää... Öö... Möh. Ee... Ääää. Miks.
"It's been several minutes since I've heard from you. Unfortunately, just so you know, if I don't hear from you in the next minute, I will have to end this chat so I can assist other customers. You still there?"
"Yes. Yes, I am. I'm just slightly confused and dumbfounded. I don't understand spanish. All emails from Spotify end up in spam because that's the language I never converse in. Could you flip some switch in settings or smth?"
"Spanish is the only language available in your country right now since it's the primary language in your country."
"Spanish? Really? In Estonia? Have we been invaded by Spain? That Eurovision thing, that was just a distraction, a cover to do something really nefarious, wasn't it? Now what? Should I change my last name to Sanchez? Please advise."
"You can try to change the language on your online profile by going to this link https://www.spotify.com/account/overview/ and clicking the flag icon on the lower right of the page. However, there's no guarantee since Spanish is the only available country on your account. Also by doing so, it won't still change the language on the email notifications that you're receiving."
"Of course I can live with all those emails going to spam. Or unsubscribe and not receive them at all but..."
"I'm still working on this. Please bear with me a little bit longer, and stay on this screen so we don't get disconnected."
"Ok, I'll keep on bearing. (grr? rawr?)"
"It wouldn't be another language since your country must match the primary language on it."
Well. Fuck.
"Umm... I would guess that people who understand English here outnumber the ones that speak Spanish um... Ten to one? Hundred to one? How come is the primary language Spanish? Have a wiki link - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estonia#Languages"
"Yes, I understand. As mentioned, we won't be able to change the locale on your country since it's the only available language on your country. There's no option on your account that the locale can be changed to English."
Well. Fuck.
"I guess I'll uncheck all the boxes in notification settings then. I know developing software is difficult but this is... ugh. kthxbye"
"Rest assured that everything will be forwarded. We're always aiming to improve our features so I hope you’ll continue to use it and find it gets better in future.
Thanks for chatting with me today. Take care and bye for now."
Mul on kuri kahtlus, et "aiming to improve" annaks tulemuseks "sihin, et pissida su jalale", kui seda piisav arv kordi lasta Google Translate'il inglise keelest hispaania keelde ja tagasi tõlkida, aga las jääda neile nende optimism, et alates 2015 (või varasemast) probleemiga tegelemine on nad lahendusele piisavalt lähedale viinud.
Adiós, pendejos.
